Life is playing games with me and I'm getting tired of it. I blame myself for it. Being at the lowest point of my life at the moment, I've learned to keep things to myself & I'm getting better at it. I'm not even sure if it is a good thing. No one knows what's exactly running through my head right now or how I feel deep down inside, not even my best friends because I fear people would eventually finds out about it and used it as a weapon to make me weaker than I already am. I find it so easy to think of the easiest way to escape from 'it'. I know it was stupid. Luckily, I came to my senses quick enough for me to think of a better option to deal with 'it'. So I tried pushing them away. My attempt failed. I realized that the more I try to push 'em away, more of 'it' kept coming in and the more fragile I've become.
I'm trying my best to be strong. I do. For myself. For my parents. And for my younger siblings as well. I'm not the only one going through a rough patch. In fact, we're sorta like going through all these as a family. I guess knowing that I'm not alone, helps. Knowing that my best friends have my back even though they're not here with me physically, helps. Those little changes are, in fact essentials but I'm still clueless about where to begin. I can't control what's happening to me. I really can't. I wish I could but no. 
. I'm grateful that at this point, he "walks alongside with me, hand in hand". He doesn't have to put up with all my nonsense but he stayed & bare with it. I owe you much. Thank you. About 'that', for now...I'll put that aside & continue to play pretend. It's not all that difficult. It shouldn't be.
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